Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
