So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
