it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize