he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
