I think I am morally bankrupt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
