i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize