just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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