I could make wine with my vomit
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize