You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
