You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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