I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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