Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize