My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
