i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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