I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
