In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
