I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
