do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
