You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
