he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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