I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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