I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
