She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
