Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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