You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
