The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize