We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
