what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
