Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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