I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
someone owes me an orgasm
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
