Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
