first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
