Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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