so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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