if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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