An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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