I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
