so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
