i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
