Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sext me about skeletons
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