Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
