i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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