My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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