if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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