By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
