don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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