Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
