theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
