he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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