i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize