...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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