Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cannot find my penis.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
