Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We just shotgunned beers for America
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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