You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
