conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
