im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
