I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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