I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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