Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
