if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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