yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
