Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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