I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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