It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
