My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This house was built for laser tag.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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