Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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