I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think i have two assholes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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