So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
