i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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