What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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