dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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