You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
