I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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