erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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