He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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