I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
