god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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