wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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