My pussy is not your playground.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
bring money and cleavage
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
