in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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