two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
