ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
