My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
