when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
